Remember that time I lost a gnome in your closet? The poor little guy was buried for months. That particular gnome entered my life right after I’d seen Amélie for the first time. I thought it would be nice if you shared my newly found affinity for gnomes, so I decided that you two should meet. I set up a top secret meeting for you and my new gnome friend in your closet, a place where you would both be comfortable. Unfortunately for all parties involved that rendezvous never took place.

I wanted to ask you about him several times, but I thought patience would be the better path. Surely one would be apt to mention a miniature garden gnome they found in their closet…after a while my patience started to wane and turn to worry. So much time had gone by that there were only two possibilities:

1) You had a secret hatred of garden gnomes and he was instantly disposed of

2) He was lost!

Either way action needed to be taken. Thank goodness the authorities had the mind to add his little picture to your milk carton. Otherwise he might have never been found.